Boşanma kararı çocuğa nasıl açıklanır?


Boşanma kararını çocuğa doğru bir şekilde açıklamak, çocuğun hislerine anlamak için dikkat etmeniz gerekenler…

Boşanma ve sonrasında yaşananlar çocuğun gelişimini etkileyecek bir sürecin başlamasına da neden olur. Ebeveynlerin bu sürece nasıl hazırlandıkları ve boşanma sonrasındaki durumları çocukların gelişimlerini olumlu ya da olumsuz etkiler. Sorumluluk sahibi yetişkinler olarak boşanma sürecinde çocuklarımızın ihtiyaçlarına, aramızdaki güven bağının korunmasına özen göstermek gerekir. Amerikan Hastanesi’nden Pedagog Güzide Soyak uzamış veya ayrılık kararı almakta zorlanılmış süreçlerin çocukları olumsuz etkilediğini söylüyor ve boşanma kararını çocuklara anlatırken nelere dikkat etmemiz gerektiğini anlatıyor.

Boşanma kararını açıklarken ebeveynler birlikte hareket etmelidirler. Sakin ve kontrollü davranılmalı. İçinde bulunulan durum ve bundan sonraki yaşam şekli açıklayıcı cümlelerle anlatılmalıdır. Çocukların konuşma sırasındaki soruları ya da itirazları bu süreçle ilgili bilgileri ve hissettikleri konusunda bilgi verecektir.

Sürecin uyumlu atlatılmasında yapılabilecek ilk adımlar:

Ayrılık kararınızı çocukların yaş dönemlerine uygun cümlelerle açıklamak.

Anne ve baba olarak sorumluluklarınızın değişmediğini her zaman onu seveceğinizi hissettirmek.

Görüşme düzeninizin nasıl olacağına hep birlikte karar vermek. Çocukların bu süreçteki taleplerini hassasiyetle karşılamak.

Çocuklar bazen evden ayrılan ebeveyn için kaygı duyuyorlar. Nerede yaşadığı, ne hissettiği ile ilgili soruları olabilir. Bunları dikkatle dinleyip tatmin edici cevaplar vermeye çalışmak.

Anne ve babaların kendi aralarındakisorunları çocukların önünde konuşmamalarına özen göstermeleri gerekir.

Okul, sağlık sorunları gibi konularda her iki ebeveyninde işbirliği yapmaları çok önemlidir.

Çocuklar boşanma sırasında terk eden veya ihmal eden ebeveynide özlerler. Mutsuzluk, içe kapanma, red etme yoğun yaşanan duygulardır. Çocukların ebeveynleriyle ilişkilerini kesmek önerilmez. Anne ve babalar birbirlerinin yerini tutamaz.

Babası tarafından ihmal edilen bir erkek çocuk kendisini şekillendirmeye yardımcı olacak modelinide kaybetmiş olur. Bir erkek veya gelecekte baba olmak ile ilgili bilgisi yeterince beslenemeyecek olabilir. Davranışlarını kontrol etmek, sorumluluklarını yerine getirmek konusunda isteksiz davranabilir. Karşı cinsle ilişki kurmak, sürdürmek ve sorunları çözmekte zorlanabilir. Zorlandıkları durumlarda mücadele etmekten kaçabilirler. Rolmodel olabilecek yakın aile bireyleri ile ilişkisini güçlendirmek olumlu etkileyebilir.

Kız çocuklar için ise diğer cinsiyetle ilişkisi oluşturmakta güçlükler yaşadıkları gözlemlenir. Annelerin stresle baş edebilme becerileri boşanma sonrasında yaşanacak güçlüklerin çocuklara yansımasında azaltacaktır.

Boşanma sürecinde dikkat edilmesi gereken noktalar

Boşanma ve sonrasında yaşananlar, çocuğun gelişimini etkileyecek bir sürecin başlamasına neden oluyor. Ebeveynlerin bu sürece nasıl hazırlandıkları ve boşanma sonrasındaki durumları, çocukların gelişimini olumsuz etkileyebilir. Ebeveynlerin boşanma sürecine nasıl hazırlandıkları ve boşanma sonrası durumları, çocukların gelişimlerini etkiliyor. Sorumluluk sahibi yetişkinler olarak, boşanma sürecinde çocuklarımızın ihtiyaçlarına, aramızdaki güven bağının korunmasına özen göstermemiz gerekiyor.

Çocuğa bu konu nasıl ve hangi dille anlatılmalı?

Uzamış ayrılık süreçlerinin çocukları etkilediği kesin. Boşanma kararını açıklarken ebeveynlerin birlikte hareket etmeleri gerekiyor. Bulunulan durum ve bundan sonraki yaşam şekli açıklayıcı cümlelerle anlatılmalı. Ayrıca, çocukların konuşma sırasındaki soruları ya da itirazları, bu süreçle ilgili bilgileri ve hissettikleri konusunda bilgi veriyor.

Anne-baba söyleyeceklerini önceden aralarında anlaşmaları, daha sonra izleyecekleri yolda doğru bir adım atmış olurlar mı?

Anne ve babanın ortak dil ve tutum içerisinde olması çocuğun onlara duyduğu güvenin devamına yardımcı olacaktır. Boşanma ile birlikte anne ve baba olma görevlerinin değişmediği, bu kararın verilmesinin onlarla ilgisi olmadığı açıklanmalıdır.

Çocuğa boşanma süreci her ayrıntısıyla anlatılmalı mı, yoksa sadece bilmesi gerekenler mi anlatılmalı?

Ayrılık kararını, çocuğun yaş durumuna en uygun cümlelerle açıklamak, anne ve baba olarak sorumluluklarınızın değişmediğini, her zaman onu seveceğinizi hissettirmek, görüşme düzeninizin nasıl olacağına hep birlikte karar vermek, çocukların bu süreçteki taleplerini hassas karşılamak gerekir.

Çocuklar bazen evden ayrılan ebeveyn için kaygı duyar. Nerede yaşadığı, ne hissettiği ile ilgili soruları dikkatle dinleyip, tatmin edici cevaplar vermeye çalışmak gerekir. Ayrıca anne ve babaların kendi aralarındaki sorunları çocuklarının önünde konuşmamaya özen göstermeleri gerekir.

Okul, sağlık sorunları gibi konularda her iki ebeveynin de işbirliği yapması gerekir. Çocuklar boşanma sırasında terk eden veya ihmal eden ebeveyni de özlüyor. Böyle bir durumda mutsuzluk, içe kapanma, reddetme yoğun yaşanan duygular oluyor. Çocukların ebeveynleriyle ilişkilerini kesmek önerilmez ve babalar birbirlerinin yerini tutamaz. Babası tarafından ihmal edilen bir erkek çocuk, kendisini şekillendirmeye yardımcı olacak modelini de kaybediyor. Bir erkek veya gelecekte baba olmak ile ilgili bilgileri yeterince edinemiyor. Sonucunda da davranışlarını kontrol etmek, sorumluluklarını yerine getirmek konusunda isteksiz davranabiliyor. Karşı cinsle ilişki kurmak, sürdürmek ve sorunları çözmekte zorlanabiliyor. Zorlandıkları durumlarda mücadele etmekten kaçınabiliyor. Kız çocuklarının ise diğer cinsle ilişki kurmakta zorluk yaşadıkları gözlemleniyor.

Boşanma kararını açıklarken çocuğun yaşı önem taşıyor mu?

Okul öncesi dönemlerde yaşanan boşanmalarda çocuklar evden giden ebeveynin onu terk ettiğini ve bu durumun sorumlusunun kendisi olduğunu düşünüyor. Düzenli görüşmeler yapılması ve çocuğun evden giden ebeveynle duygusal duyumunun olması bu sürecin olumsuz etkilerini azaltıyor. Açıklama yapılacak çocuğun yaşı ne kadar küçükse o kadar somut bilgiye ihtiyaı oluyor. Bir ergen için hayat ile ilgili ciddi değişiklik yaşıyor olması fikrini daha küçük yaşlardaki çocuk terk edilmek olarak algılayabiliyor.

96 Yanıt

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  84. ads on your blog is a nice

    way to create some income. as you also should know this income won’t be great, but, there are other methods you can use to create some income so by adding it up with your adsense income you can start to build

  85. quality in terms of the technical aspects

    of the writing.going multimedia with your blog postsa blog post needn’t be just a written article. it’s possible to embed photos, video, audio, graphics, tables and a variety of other multimedia elements. in fact, putting such elements into your arti…

  86. backlinks: this is one of the best

    ways to improve your pagerank (a good thing). backlinks are links that from other websites that point to your blog. there are a lot of ways of getting backlinks, including buying or cheating. you do not have to resort to that.

  87. a very nice forum, if it’s linking

    with this blog, then this is a very nice blog”. and maybe that’s okay for backlink and if you’re trying to rank your blog in google or other search engines for a specific keyword.this is not what we want now. we

  88. about. it should go without saying however

    that you have to take care in avoiding offending someone.racial discrimination and other hate messages are prohibited as well as pornographic content. these should be avoided at all costs. after you have posted your very first blog, the next thing to

  89. skills. you often see people at restaurants

    totally ignoring the people they are with because they are texting.many people are tethered to their mobile devices, asking friends if they should buy this or that, blue or red. is this harming the young person’s ability to grow to independence?

  90. you should ever lie in a civilian

    resume).4. give up and hire a resume writer: make sure you have an effective federal resume: government resumes generally will require the help of a professional resume writer. this is because the format is entirely different, the verbiage is more stra…

  91. still remember how careless internet writers treated

    wael ghonim’s case, you’ll understand my point. when looking for a way to improve english writing skills, choosing the best method is entirely dependent on you. your current professional and personal circumstances, your writing skill level, how much…

  92. business blog.why does the business need blogging?

    first of all, blogging is a low-cost way to having a website. blog software is much easier to use compared to a website. therefore, for small business owners, they do not have to learn the complicating web codes or the budget

  93. have to and in blogging there’s no

    difference.most of my blogs have been with wordpress. i’ve had a few with other companies too. wordpress provide a nice looking, easy to use blog. there are lots of templates and they have some good widgets, but the problem there, is

  94. on the job you’ve assigned them.this is

    how to find the best ghostwriting services. you need them because they you provide you with great content and save you money and time. how many website blogs do you read, subscribe to and interactive with? you will read a lot

  95. piece, and felt that i read and

    re-read it so thoroughly that i could not have possibly missed anything only to be gravely disappointed the next day. sometimes though, when there is a time crunch or deadline, proofreading with the right conditions is not always an option. it

  96. if the world were to go ass-up

    in a hand basket in the next few minutes, would you survive?maybe not. but in the off chance that you do, you might want to have a few supplies on hand. here’s my top five.1. canteens for waterthe most important thing

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